Pride
by thegirloverhere
Summary: Andi attends a school for squibs, a boring place till a boy with a mysterious past shows up. Next gen setting.
1. Chapter 1

**Found this on my hard drive. Really old, but figured maybe someone would want to read it.**

_I circle the date on my calendar and glance up, sensing I'm being watched. It's my mother, who is beaming at me. She puts an arm around my shoulder. Mum is beautiful. She has a lean figure, soft brown hair, and she is so much younger than all the other Mums. She pulls me closer, and I take a big breath through my nose. She smells like almonds. _

"_You're going to have so much fun. Hogwarts will be the best years of your life."_

_I believe her._

--

"Andi! Andi! Wake up! We're going to be late!"

I sat up and looked around my room. Someone – my sister presumably – had opened the door and window, through which a slight breeze was flowing. I peeled myself off the bed and padded over to the window. I looked outside. It was a bleak sight. Clouds covered the sky, casting a grey shadow across my cheerful suburban neighbor hood. Across the street, a row of identical houses stared dully back at me. Behind them stood another row. And another. I grimaced and pulled the window shut. It squealed, but finally snapped down with a resounding crack.

"Andriana! If you don't – "

I walked out of my door and into the hallway. Glaring down the stairs, I yelled, "Mum, I said I was coming!"

I heard Mum mutter something about "teenagers" and "morning" and "coffee." I slip back into my room and close the door gently behind me. It blows open from the AC, and I close it once more.

--

_I nervously sit on the porch, clinging onto its edge with all my strength. Her words echo in my ear, "So much fun… best years of your life."_

_A boy rides by on his bike, aimlessly tossing pebbles into the street as he goes. A young mother pushes a child in a faded stroller. A man with a newspaper waves to someone in a passing car._

_I rock back and forth. I have sat like this now for three days. I scuff my shoe across the pavement. A bit off the color from the rubber sticks to the ground. I touch it, but it still feels like cement. _

--

Sarah was chattering to whomever she thought was listening about some boy she was going to see again. Her pale face was flushed with excitement, and as she swayed from side to side eagerly, her meticulously crafted curls caught the flickering florescent light. She shined.

I glanced over at Owen, who was dutifully shoving his cereal down his mouth. Milk dribbled down his chin, and he wiped it away with the back of his hand, which he then rubbed on his jeans. Carlton sat on the counter, holding a piece of toast in one hand, his other hand pressed against the wall.

Mum flew in and rapped Carlton's hand with a cooking book. "Get your hand off my wall before you leave a mark!"

Carlton rolled his eyes but hopped off the counter. "It is rather easy to clean, Mum." He pointed his wand at the smudge he had created, and it vanished. "Ta da."

She just clucked at him and shook her head. She turned to eye Sarah and I. Her eyes glazed straight over me, and she turned to Sarah. "Dear, you're hair looks lovely," she praised.

I walked over to the stove and used a spoon to shovel grits into my bowl. "And yours, too."

I turned to see Mum looking at me with a weak smile. I gave her a quick nod, and then leaned against a wall, stirring my grits half heartedly.

--

"_Andi… Andi, we need to… we need to talk." _

_I close the book I am reading and trot over to Mum, who is standing with Dad in the kitchen. _

"_No, erm, how about the living room?" Dad looks funny, embarrassed or nervous almost. I glance at Mum, but she is looking away. I don't understand what's happening, but I want to make it better. I skip over into the living room and sit down with a thump on the couch. I look up expectantly at Mum and Dad, but they are moving so slow, as if they are pulling thousand pound weights on their heels. I stare at them, smiling widely, wishing they'd smile back._

_Mum sits down on my right, Dad on my left. Mum puts her hand on my knee. "Honey…" I look at her expectantly, but instead of continuing, she begins to cry._

--

Mum smiled at me half-heartedly. "Dear, are you all packed?"

I raised an eyebrow. "I'm the one whose ready." I glance at Sarah, who is bouncing in her seat, giggling nervously.

Mum clapped her hands. "Oh, that's right!" she spins, her drab skirt catching on a chair. A short, sickening ripping sound ripped through the air. Mum didn't notice. You couldn't see the rip anyway, so it didn't matter. "Sarah! I told you last week..."

"Mumm, I had stuff to do..."

Mum clucked her tongue in the picture of parental disapproval. Her pale hands flew to her hips, contrasting with the muted olive of her skirt. Reading her mind, Sarah jumped up and dashed upstairs. A loud crash indicated she had made it to her room and had promptly tripped over whatever she left lying in the doorway.

Mum pulled her wand out of her skirt pocket. Sending the dishes to the sink, they cleaned themselves and then flew obediently back into the cabinets, which shut with a gentle thud. She put her wand back, and then turned to me, wiping her hands on her skirt. Mum pulled me into a loose hug. "Now, dear, remember to write, or call, or whatever it is they are teaching you to do nowadays," she cooed.

I put an awkward arm around her. "Write, Mum. I always write."

But she had already moved on. "Where in the world is your father? He told me he was going for a walk, but honestly, he knows when that train leaves..."

--

_I want to comfort her, but I am now scared. "Mummy, I'm sorry!" I guess I must have done something wrong. I don't know what, but it must have been bad. "Mummy, it wasn't my fault! I'm sorry!"_

_This only makes Mum cry harder. Dad reaches around me, putting an arm around both of us, smashing us together, a very confused sandwich. I look from Dad to Mum, and then bend my head down, looking at my knees. I don't know what I did, or what's happening, but I want it to stop. I try changing the topic. _

_"Mum, when is my Hogwarts letter coming? It should be here any day now, right? This is when Owen and Carlton got theirs. I need to pack."_

_Mum just shakes her head. "Clara..." my dad begins, but Mum shakes her head again. "No, no, I'll pull together," she insists with a sniff._

--

Dad was always late. He burst through the door just as Mum was about to go look for him.

"There, there, where are my girls?" He looked around and spotted me. "Well, there's one!"

I cringed away from his bone crushing hug. I felt small standing next to him. And I guess I was small. Or maybe I just wore too baggy clothes. I looked down at my jeans, three sizes too big, stained and ripped.

"And where's Sarah?" He beamed at me when he couldn't find anything else to say.

I shrugged. Dad beamed at me again and said something about how huge I'm getting. I glanced at my stomach which was covered by a sweater, and back up at him. He turned red. "Oh, no, not like large-huge. Tall. Grownup. You're becoming a young lady."

Dad always got that way before we left for school. Very emotional. Very sappy.

He ruffled my hair and walked away before I can twist his words around some more.

--

_Now I definitely don't know what to say. Mum is wiping her eyes muttering something about how she promised herself she wouldn't break down. _

_I look at each of them, wondering what has made them this upset. Even Dad is paling. I feel a sinking sensation in my stomach. I fold my arms and cross my legs, trying to be as small as possible. Maybe I'll disappear. If I disappear, this stops. I bite the inside of my lower lip. I am suddenly very cold. I pull my knees to my chest and rest my feet on the edge of the couch. Mum doesn't even notice. In fact, she puts a hand on my knee._

_"There... there is something... something we need to tell you," she says faintly._

--

I sat in our driveway on top of my trunk. Mum was spieling on to Sarah about how she shouldn't go boy crazy (but should write home with every detail), she shouldn't forget her homework (unless it is a boring class no one does anyway), and she shouldn't stay up too late (except on special occasions). I rested my chin in my hands.

Suddenly, a shadow fell across me. I looked up at Owen. He opened his arms. "No hug?"

I shook my head but smiled. He prodded my leg with his foot till I couldn't take it and had to jump up and hug him.

"Oh, Andi, I'm going to miss you."

I grinned. "I know. I'm the voice of reason in this family."

He chuckled. "You? Voice of reason. Right. Of course."

Dad was next. "Andriana, you better behave yourself." He smiled weakly and opened his arms. I stepped into them awkwardly. He hugged me tight. "I love you, Andi."

I closed my eyes. "You too, Dad."

--

_"I don't understand..." I say slowly after a moment. What do they mean by this? They can't really be making me stay... They let Owen and Carlton go, after all._

_They must be joking._

_"Andi..."_

--

My sister skipped over. "Andi, you have to write me everyday because last year you didn't and that was mean and all I got was boring letters from Mum'n'Dad and even though you're letters are boring too, at least they don't try to be cool, but they are kinda two sentences so I guess they really aren't better then Mum'n'Dad's but _still_," she babbled aimlessly to me. She didn't look me in the eye, she never did when she said goodbye. Instead she looked down at her shoe, smudging it back and forth against the pavement so that scuff marks began to appear on her shoe. She finally smiled cautiously up at me, and I smiled tentatively back. Of course she was nervous around me, her own sister. Everyone acted as if I was made out of porcelain.

Sarah gave me a quick hug around the waist, and I was astonished to find she was nearly taller than me. "I'll miss you too."

Mum swept me up in her arms. "Dear... I love you. Remember to behave and write and eat your vegetables."

I nodded. "Yes, Ma'am."

She stroked my hair fondly before pushing me towards the car. I opened the door and sat in the passenger's seat. The other door opened, and Carlton sat down in the driver's. He rolled down the window for me so I could wave. But I just smiled at the four of them. They stood in a perfect row next to our perfect house in our perfect suburban neighborhood. And I was gone.

--

_"... you're a Squib."_

**Do you want more? Cause I have two more chapters that I can post. This is really old, but I remember where the plot was going after that. There's a little romance, and a few chapters devoted to knocking some sense into this child who just wallows in self pity.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hm. So seems like no ones reading this, but I'm going to post it anyway, as I rather like it.**

Carlton glanced at me. "I'll miss you."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I felt something rising in my throat, so I coughed to get it out. But it stayed there. I blinked furiously and tried to force myself to gag a few times so that I could speak without sounding strange. Nothing worked, so I gave up.

We sat in silence for the remainder of the ride until we reached the airport. Taking a plane was the only way to reach St. Thomas Aquinas, my school. I slid out of the car, and Carlton got my trunk out of the back. I wheeled it into the airport, and he held my carryon bag awkwardly. After I put the trunk through luggage, we walked down to security. My first time in the airport with Mum had been a disaster. I had been scared to death of all the Muggle machinery and cried when the metal detector shrieked at me for having a pen in my pants. I remembered the indignity of having to be searched by one of the personnel.

Now I knew though. Now I didn't need Mum, or Carlton for that matter, to walk me through to the gate. I turned to him. He was holding my backpack in one hand, and his favorite hat in the other. "I'll see you."

He shook his head at me. "Andi. Can't you smile? For once? Please?"

I feel that thing in my throat returning. I pull my sweater tighter around me and fold my arms. It was rather cold. All the metal and tile and cleanliness of that place was claustrophobic, I decided. That was why I wanted to run away so badly. But I just looked up at Carlton, a small smile pressed across my face. Even I could tell that it looked painful, forced. Carlton sighed at me. "Please, Andi. Actually try now. I'm not going to let you go until you - hey!"

I had grabbed my bag from his hand and tore away through one of the metal detectors, cutting off some poor kid who looked as if she might burst into tears at any moment. The personnel glared at me, but surprisingly said nothing. I wove to my brother, a wide, giddy grin spread across my face. He shook his head, but this time smiling. I saluted him and turned. Slinging the bag over my shoulder, I sped walked down the hall. My gate was basically on the other side of the airport. Sighing, I shook my head. I never understood why St. Thomas insisted we take a plane to get to school. It was something about wanting us to get used to using Muggle transportation. I believed they just got to many complaints from Muggles about having to use Floo powder. Of course, I was never there for the times when they only used Floo. By the time I began attending, the school had implanted the new compromise; one could only arrive at the school by plane, but only depart by Floo.

St. Thomas Aquinas was started in 1962, by a Witch who had a Squib for a sister. Originally, it was a school just for Squibs, but in 1999, right after the end of the Second Wizarding War, we began accepting siblings of Muggleborn Wizards. Located in Italy, we were a "home for students who are often forgotten, left behind, or in some other way neglected." We were founded by a devote Catholic, but in no way did we do anything religious. At all. Ever. Some of the Muggles were religious, but there are so few of them, it was pathetic. Not that there many students to begin with anyway. A Squibs were extremely rare, and most of the siblings of the Muggleborns went to a normal Muggle school. Basically, we were still ignored. By everyone.

Almost. I didn't see Cass until I felt something slam into my back. That something turned out to be Cass's hand, shoving me into an ice cream stand I had been eyeing. "Where have you been this whole summer?" She put her hands on her hips, mock angry, and shook her head at me, wrinkling her tiny nose. Before I could reply, she jumped in. "I'll tell you where, not calling me!"

I laughed and hugged her. "Well, Cass, I doubt that's actually a place..."

She waved her hand at me and then threw an arm over my shoulder. "So, meet any interesting people?" We casually stroled down the airport.

I scoffed. "Yeah. No. That would be far to much to ask for."

She pursed her lips. "Now who would you ask for to meet interesting people? Hm? Decided to believe in God?"

"Cass - " I warned sighing and edging a little away from her.

Her nose wrinkled again, but this time in agravation. She swung her hair behind her shoulder, but it fell loose instantly. "I don't see why you - "

"We talked about this! You believe in God, I - "

"Don't. I know. But that doesn't mean - "

"Cass. We just saw each other. Are we honestly going to get into this argument? _Again_?" I widened my eyes at her, pursing my lips slightly for the full affect.

I could see her ready to fight back anyway, to not give up. But instead she just sighed, and grinned halfheartedly. "I guess not. Anyway, I seem to remember you owe me some icecream..."

I rolled my eyes at her, but grinned in spite of myself. "You know I only carry Wizard money."

Cass grinned too, but threw her hands in the air, fake exasperated. "Of course! Andriana, the girl who refuses to have anything to do with anything slightly Muggle - "

I elbowed her. "Oh, yes, get away from me, you dirty Muggle slime,"

Pushing a stray lock of hair behind her big ears, Cass put a hand over her heart. "I'm offended. Deeply. Go look within yourself and find some spark of something good. Because I sure as hell can't."

I grimaced. "That's right. I'm a black hole."

--

Cass and I met by accident. I was eleven, and still considered an unaccompanied minor by the airline, so I had to sit in the front of the plane. Needless to say, I was not very enthusiastic about any of this. It had only been three weeks sense I heard that I was not going to Hogwarts, and I was still extremely sore about the subject. Not that I was going to admit this to anyone.

Cass was unfortunate enough to sit next to me. Or more, I was shoved beside her. I looked on her with disdain. In her Muggle jeans and oversized Muggle sweater (even though I wore these too), I mostly hated the sight of the two earbuds protruding from either ear. I hated the wires, the Muggle wires, that fell down her chest and twisted and twined and finally combined. I hated the little square Muggle devise that sat on her lap that they plugged into. I hated how perfect and new and Muggle it looked. So I had to hate the girl who owned it.

So when she offered me an earbud, I wanted to spit on her. "What makes you think I would want to put _that_ in my ear?"

The girls face looked astonished at first, but it quickly morphed to a bright red color. Suddenly, her spine straightened, and she looked down her nose at me with such disgust I almost began to feel ashamed. Instead, I stared angrily back at her.

"Take the earphone, or I will personally push you off this plane."

It was the beginning of a truly epic friendship.

--

Cass ended up buying me an ice cream. I didn't ask how, but somehow the boy at the counter knew her name. He winked at her as he handed her his ice cream, and she flipped her hair dramatically for him. As soon as we were out of earshot, I burst out laughing. Cass narrowed her eyes at me, but soon cracked a smile. Chuckling, I murmured, "Oh, Cass, you and your hair."

She twirled it around her finger amiably. "I know you're jealous, Andi. Honestly, who wouldn't be?"

Cass' hair was just about the opposite of my sister gorgeous curls. Previously the most vibrant, stunning shade of red in the school, Cass had dyed it blue one summer. Although it washed out after a week, her hair had never returned to it's normal color. Instead, it stayed a dark red-purple color. If that wasn't enough, she refused to cut it shorter than elbow length, so the incredulous stares she received were nothing short of deserved.

I grimaced. "Oh, I dunno. But certainty all the blue haired grammies wish they had a nice shade like yours."

Cass frowned. "That woman was colorblind, and you know it."

I smirked. "Right. Don't worry, I think your grey hair is lovely too."

"Watch it, or I'll shove that ice cream straight up your nose," she sniffed.

For a while after that we walked in companionable silence. My vanilla ice cream was cold in my hands, but Cass' strawberry seemed to be dripping everywhere. Laughing sarcastically, she licked her hands hurriedly. I watched, throughly amused as she made even more of a mess. Finally, she shoved me with her elbow towards a lavatory so she might wash her hands. The bathroom smelled like all airport bathrooms, a sharp clean that you couldn't help but feel just sits over layers of dirt.

Cass took her time lathering soap on her hands and washing it off, not one, not two, but three times. When I commented on it, she persisted to repeat the whole ordeal, only singing the ABC's as her doctor recommended. Finally, she was done. Shaking her hands in the air to dry them, I watched as water droplets hit the mirror, doubled because of their reflection, and then slipped downward to the counter. Cass shook her hands and danced around, to the terror of one of the other women waiting for the bathroom. I grimaced at them and pulled her out the door.

We resumed our stroll through the airport. Cass and I were both brisk walkers. If you need to get somewhere, why dally and procrastinate? Get somewhere. _Go_.

"So what is your sister taking this year? She's a third year, right?"

I nodded. "I don't know. We don't really talk about Hogwarts that much." I bit my lip. I knew my parents and my brothers specifically avoided the topic of Hogwarts around me. It was only Sarah who chattered on about it, no matter how many times Mum scolded her in "private." I knew that my family talked about Hogwarts plenty, just not when I was there. Mum and Dad didn't know how to approach the subject with me, so we just avoided it all together. It was easier that way.

"Remember how mad my Mum was when Drew decided to take Muggle Studies just to get an easy O? Well, apparently the Ministry wants him to be a Muggle ambassador or something. Now, of course, Mum is as proud as can be." Cass sighed. Although she had never been resentful of her brother, I had always suspected she was slightly jealous of him. But who wouldn't be? Drew was two years older than us, and seemingly perfect. Not only was he the Wizard of their Muggle family, he was brilliant, good-looking, and over all a great guy too. He was insanely hard to hate, but even harder to love.

I smiled painfully at her, but she just looked around the airport in a disinterested manner. I let her pretend not to care. "Here we are."

The gate was the same as any other gate, only all the personnel for this one plane knew about the magic world. Basically, they were who we were destined to be. Secretaries for important Wizards. Nobodies in our nowhere lives. Dead ends. Cass sat down with surprising grace in one of the faux-leather waiting chairs. I sat next to her, dropping my heavy bag at my feet.

"Cassadie! Andriana!" Now who would call us by our first names besides -

" - Loretta..." We both chorused in the same monotone voice. For a second, we glanced at each other and grinned, but our grins quickly faded as soon as we looked up at Loretta and her entourage, Zee and Wendy.

Loretta placed her small, white hands on my knee. "Where have you been, dear?"

I felt my eyebrows raise. "At my house..."

She had already moved on. "Oh, of course," she said in an offhand voice. "And you?"

Cass nodded. "In Andi's pants."

Loretta gasped for a second, placing an over-dramatic hand over her red lips, now shaped in a perfect "O." Then, apparently, her brain caught up with her, and she laughed nervously. "Oh, you're funny." This was Zee and Wendy's cue to laugh to. Cass and I looked on with amusement as the three girls teetered awkwardly and then shuffled away, defeated.

Cass pulled out her MP3. "Earphone?"

I shook my head. Maybe Cass could get used to (okay, she was born used to) walking around with a little, plastic buzzing thing in her ear ringing out music all day, but I thought it was just simply unnatural. Rather gross too. Why would anyone want to put something like that so close to their eardrum? Really, putting anything in one's ear at all I considered gross. Just simply nasty.

We found ourselves being pulled into the casual lull that was our life. Cass and I had learned to exist as others hadn't. We learned not to care about the bad. We didn't ignore it - quite the opposite. We acknowledged it was there, and moved on. There was nothing to do about it, or more, there was nothing _we_ could do about it.

--

Once I wanted to matter. I wanted to be able to look at my life and know it was going somewhere. People who matter though don't think about this. People who matter don't ever sit down and say to themselves, "I matter." People who matter just think about the repercussions of their actions, because their actions matter. The people who don't matter? They get cold and ugly and mean, because who cares if they do? What happens if they do? Nothing happens, no one cares. They don't have anyone to hurt, so they don't have any reason to care about their actions.

Once I wanted to matter, but then I realized it was better not to. When you matter, you hurt people. When you don't, you hurt things.


End file.
